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Friday, 18 November 2016

Why Ghostbusters (2016) means a lot to me

There is plenty that can be said when talking about Ghostbusters (2016), but I don't want to repeat every article that's been written for the last two years. Although, I did love scrolling through Twitter on Halloween and seeing all the mini Ghostbusters, that was adorable!

This is not a review, although I will probably write one in the future. I saw it at the cinema within a week or so of it coming out. I was still in my old retail job, and my fiancee and I saw it after I finished work one evening. It was busier than I've ever seen it! Which is good but since we're both incredibly anti-social, it was a little uncomfortable at first. Once the film started I forgot about everyone else.

On the drive home, I felt really good. I was smiling, we talked animatedly about the film, and kept laughing as much as I had while watching it. It all sounds normal, right? But it was a really big deal for me. I was in the middle of a period of horrible depression, with the predominant symptom being Anhedonia. If you're lucky enough to have never come into contact with it, Anhedonia is the total loss of good feelings, or feelings in general really. Apart from fear, that one never does me the favour of taking a break. It's hard to say for sure, but I think it had been about a year since I felt anything good at that point.

Although it was hard, mostly I just came home from work and flopped on the sofa for the night every night, when I could find the energy I did do my best to shift it myself. I did my best to keep writing, but I even had to let go of my first paid fiction writing job because I couldn't do it. (If someone had paid me to cry instead I would have had a goldmine.) I tried some new things, like drawing. I watched positive films, depressing films, cut myself, played games, exercised. It was like being trapped in a glass box and being able to see everything that was going on, almost being able to participate, then I'd try and I'd remember I was stuck in a box.

So it was a long time of feeling very little, worrying I was broken and stuck that way, being scared that the once in a lifetime trip my fiancee and I were planning would be ruined because I'd get there and feel nothing. Then there was Ghostbusters. I don't know exactly how it happened, but I got to step out of my box for the evening. The film managed to distract me, make me laugh and actually lift my spirits. It was precisely what I needed and it felt magical.

Even though the next day I found myself back behind the glass, I'd had a glimpse of the outside and I knew it was possible. From then on, as awful as it was to still feel that way, I had some hope. As it turned out, it would actually take finally getting a different job to break through it long-term. Things are already a lot better, but I can't wait to watch Ghostbusters again at home.

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